Okay.

I don't know what to write though. I just want to write. HAHA. Wala lang. Parang antagal ko na ring hindi nagsusulat. Nakakamiss pa minsan minsan. May mga bagay ka na gusto mong sabihin, kaya dito mo na lang isusulat.

Hindi ko na talaga maintindihan ang sarili ko. Kung bakit ang weird ko. Ayoko na nga pero go lang pa rin. ANO NA. Pwedeng itigil na sana to. Hayyy.

I'm a mess.

Yes I am.
It starts to pile up. The stress. I wish for this to be over now.
I might not take it anymore. I might breakdown.
I don't know what to do. People often ask me for advice and I do give them those,
But now, I just need another of myself to tell me what to do.
Because I don't really know. This stresses me a lot.
I know I want to be happy. I know I can choose. But how come I am still on this path?
I don't regret the things I did before, but there are things that I regret doing.
I am sad. I have no one to talk to. I have my best friend but he has a lot to think about.
I don't want to add to his worry and problems. I feel really down.
Yes I might be smiling when you see me, but behind that mask, you can't even imagine what am I going through.
I just want to cry. A lot harder. I want to be free- of all these things- the feelings, stress, and everything else.
I want a simple life. Just a happy one.
This storm's gonna be a lot stronger and a lot longer. I just need to hold on. Let me hold on.

I just have to let it out.

I don't know. I am sad. I know why. But I don't want to tell you. It might just get worse.
I know that I have my limits. And I crossed line I should not. I am sorry.
This is the thing I can say. With all my heart. I am sorry,
I have caused you so much. It caused me so much pain.
I have burdened you. I don't know if you deserve me.
Yeah, maybe I have helped you before, but that is nothing compared to what I am doing now.
I am bad. I am sad. I don't know what to do.
I am selfish. I was too comfortable. I thought it would be okay.
I didn't know what you feel. I think I subconsciously didn't care.
But you know how I feel. I care for you. Maybe, just too much.

I am sorry I have been selfish. I only thought of myself. I didn't think of you and your responsibilities, even though you are bluntly telling me that.
I am sorry. I don't know if I even deserve your forgiveness but I am still asking for it. I am a hypocrite. I know.

I wish this will pass. And we can be the same again. Like before. Because of all the people in this world, you are one of those I believed in.
You are one of the most important people in my life. I think I have said it a lot of times. I can only be myself when I am with you. I have no other friend like you. But now, I wish this friendship will last. Forever. I don't know if I can bear it but thinking of it, it makes me cry. A lot. You're the only person I can trust with all my secrets, feelings, emotions and experiences. I wish that you're the same with me. I am so sad right now. I may have lied to you but it is because I don't want to burden you, especially this time. I want to be there who will support you and push you further and help you reach your goals. I am your friend.

Ewan. Labas lang ng feels. Lol.

So yeah. Ganun pa rin. Magdedelete na ako ng mga posts. Ayuuuuun. Iba na ngayon. HOHO.

My clinginess pa rin ang topic. So yeah.

Habang naglalakad ako pauwi, iniisip ko kung bakit ako clingy. And of course, I had a realization.

Yeah. Tinatamad na ako sobra mag-explain. Basta, yun. :(((

Hay.

Naiiyak na lang ako lagi. Nakakaasar na. Hay. Feeling ko tuloy nasa depressed na naman ako. Medyo stable pa naman kaya okay lang. Pero still. Bwisit.

I wish na kaya kong umalis sa state na to. Gusto ko yung chill lang. Walang pakialam sa mundo. Bwisit na feelings yan. Nagpapasaya tapos nagpapalungkot rin naman. GAH. Seriously, Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin. Ang plan ko mukhang di ko kayang iexecute nang maayos. Nakakaaasar. ACADS. Sana meron na lang akong happiness potion na lagi kong iinumin and stuff. Or para hindi na kailangang uminom, sana naggegenerate na lang ako ng happiness. Ganun na lang sana lagi. Ayoko ng feeling na ganito. Yung doubt na to is killing me. Hay. Gusto ko umiyak tapos after umiyak sana okay na ang lahat pero hindi e.

Gusto ko lang magrant kasi hindi ko na alam kung saan ako maglalagay ng feelings. Nakakabwisit.

Ayoko rin pala nung nature ko. Ewan, Masyado akong clingy. And I expect people to be clingy too. Hayyy. Nakakapagod na. Ako yung nasasaktan kasi ako yung clingy. Ako yung needy. Ako yung dependent. Ako yung mas masasaktan. Kasi wala naman e.

T_T

Crying. Again. Stupiddddd. >:(

I don't know.

These stuff are killing meeeee. :<