this is going to be a long one.

My friend and I stayed at the grandstand after our PE class. She lost her PSP. She asked our teacher about the theft and he said he will report it and added that the security in the grandstand was unreliable. He also said that we should secure our things before coming to the class.

But she was not the only one. A friend of mine, Qwerty, lost his wallet and cellular phone. He was obviously upset about it. He continued to curse the thief like he should be hit by a car or something like that. I was not upset about anything. I didn’t lose my things. I was actually some sort of happy because my bag is between my friend’s and Qwerty’s bags. It was kind of funny, actually.

So my friend and I were about to walk together to Kamia dorm first, where I would drop my friend off, and I need to go to NIGS library, where I would rest (it is air-conditioned, by the way).

But this time, Qwerty, with no money, asked if he could join us to walk. We said yes. While we were walking, they kept on asking me why I wasn’t robbed. They said it was unfair. I was laughing. Not at them but at the fact that my bag was between theirs yet I wasn’t robbed. Then there came the eureka moment. They asked, jokingly, if I robbed them. Then I told them the truth, the truth that I didn’t steal from them.

After dropping my friend off, Qwerty and I walked together. Silently. We were not really the type of friends that talked to each other. We were just not that close. We met when we were in high school, third year. We had fun together, but it was with the class. So, that time, walking together, was kind of awkward for us.

Then he said something. He accused me of stealing his wallet and phone. Then I just laughed at him because he lost his wallet and phone, while I didn’t. I told him maybe the robber thought that my bag was his because I brought a shoe bag, which was under his bag. Maybe the robber thought that our bags have the same owner. I also told him, “Besides, my phone was cheap. He might even give me one of the stolen phones he had.”

Then I asked what was in the wallet and phone, except for their monetary value. I remembered when I lost my phone; I was sad for a while but not long. There must be something in there that has more value than money.

Everything went silent. The only thing we heard was our footsteps. It was a long silence until he spoke. There was a letter inside the wallet. A letter from his special friend (we call it this way, because they were not official). He said that everything she said in that letter was precious to him. I walked silently, listened silently. He said that when he was sad, he would just read that letter and his heart would spring back to life. He would lie on his back, smiling. He would stare at the air, smiling. And it would last until someone would wake him back to reality.

He also told me about his phone. At first, he was just sad because he had no more music player to listen to. He complained what would happen to him if he had nothing to do, etc. Then he told me about the messages. The messages he cannot read again. He told he even saved a few when we were in high school. He also told me that it hurts him to delete some of the messages and that he had to choose the best messages from her when he was changing phones. He couldn’t read them anymore. He even thought of asking the girl to resend those messages to him. Then I asked him to who would she send the messages. He clearly didn’t have the phone. Then he told me I was annoying. He said he just had hope but I immediately shattered it.

His face was sad. His face showed a lot of longing. His usually smiling eyes showed gloom. His usual glowing smile turned upside down and emanated darkness. Our pace slowed down. He punched me. And he punched again. And again.

I never thought that he would say those things to me. When in class, he was usually found in the corner, with his friends. They don’t usually mingle with the rest of the class. But when the class was having fun, they would join too. This is the first time he actually showed vulnerability.

When we reached the gate near NIGS, I said that I would walk him to the other side, fearing he would go into suicide by hit and run. He said okay. When we reached the other side, I said goodbye and take care. As I turn my back on him, he called me. He said, “Salamat ah.” He smiled. I smiled. I started walking.

I was sad for him. I never knew how he felt. I could only imagine. And I knew that the pain was much greater than that.

Behind that smile was a heart that was aching. He knew he could never get the letter back. He could not read the messages again. He knew that the feeling while reading the letter and the messages couldn’t be revived. But I knew that there was a hint of happiness in that smile. He may not read those messages again, but he knew he had a friend who is always there and will help him go through it.

lalala

another autistic post.

It's always hurting when you can't comfort a friend who's hurting. You know he's sad but you don't know what to do. This is exactly what I am feeling right now. It is so hard to listen to your friend when he is telling you sad stories (about himself) and there's nothing you do about it. It doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. The only thing you did was to be there. To listen. But for me, it's not enough. I wanted to hug him, saying you can hurt but I am sad that you are hurting. But the norms of the society wouldn't let me do that. So there I am, walking around with him, saying nonsense things, and I don't even know what I'm doing.
It feels like it is such a selfish thing to do. I know. I felt it. The way he said it. I know he's hurting but I don't know what to do. (Paulit-ulit na lang.) I wish I could do whatever I did when we walked towards his home one day after he was robbed. I wish I could comfort him the way I comforted him before. But I knew I did a pretty bad job. Very bad. Sadly. But what can I do? I don't know how to be a friend, a true friend. Sad but true. He is a true friend to me. But how come I can't be one to him? :(

hello hello, is anyone home?

I just lost my phone right before the retreat and my parents are telling me to bring another phone. Why? So that I can update them with what am I doing in the retreat house or just simply talk to them. Then I said, I won’t bring it because I won’t use it. Then it just came to me why cellular phone is so important is because we use it as a medium of communication.

Surely, texting has been one of the most used features in a cell phone. But what is it all about? Is it worth the cost? Many people would say yes. Others would say no. But what if we evaluate the situation here?

Here are the pros and cons of texting. One of the advantages of texting is that, first of all, it is cheap. Actually, it is far cheaper than calling, because one minute of a call is less than that of 256 character text. Another reason why texting is so prominent these days, it is because we are now living in a very small world with a bigger population. We need things that can perform tasks that large things perform. Since cellular phones used for texting are very handy, it became a popular choice to use cell phones. Also, the messages in texting can be saved; therefore, if that message is important to you, one can just save it right away. One more interesting feature of texting is that it can be programmed. Timed messages are commonly used in greeting people in the middle of the night. Another interesting feature of texting is that it is silent. Texting doesn’t require much of a noise; therefore, it doesn’t attract too much attention. So it is used in various ways from cheating tests to silent I love you’s to even having an inside joke.

But what are the cons of texting? First thing is that your fingers will start to disintegrate because of your frequent texting. They always say, it is easier said than done. That is true. It is easier to say hello rather than typing the whole word H-E-L-L-O. Therefore, it is really bad for an emergency. Texting, unlike calling, can depict emotion such as sense of emergency and it is slower to transmit the message. One of the most annoying things about texting is that it can’t be used when everybody else is texting. Every Christmas, it is really hard to text a message due to the traffic caused by the abuse usage of the texting feature. Everyone is sending each other Christmas greetings and messages at the same time that networks are having a hard time send them all at once. Another feature that is used by fixers is the anonymity of texting. Even though the SIM has its own number, anyone can use it given the access to the SIM.

:O

happy-ish. pero hindi pa soooobra.
kasi naman may panira.
pero yeah masaya pa rin. at least medyo nakakahinga na. :O

:(

sad ako. O:
actually it has been awhile pero yeah sad post ito.
O_O
hay. ang weird ko kasi e.
bleh. hindi ko na alam kung sino ba ako O___O
weird stuff yes indeed.
hayy hirap mag express.
it has been awhile na nakapagsayaw ako freely.
gusto ko sana ung expression ng sarili is something that can be done anytime without being noticed.
but gusto ko lagi akong napapansin. ):

.

i will speak of all the things that i can speak about.